As the title suggests, it is indeed 3 am, and obviously i am alone. In fact i am in the the most private of places, a place where one sits alone, on his throne, if you will. I find myself in that drunken state where i am not completely detached from reality, from insecurity and it’s obvious bearing on one’s life. In fact i am probably yet sadly the most honest i have felt in a while, so much so that i recognize certain attributes and stigmas which have defined me thus far. and so i listen to the new portishead album, awaiting the day when i see them live (next sat) and feel completely free, completely emotional and clearly more intoxicated than i believe to be, hence the self disclosure and the incesent need to over articulate whilst not fully divulging any actual information. and so I simply feel…my age, my life, my pros and my cons…only to make myself appreciate what it is that i have, because ultimately it can always be worse, it can always be a more negative representation of the life that i hold today… and so i choose to live, despite it’s many obstacles, and many, many pitfalls. Regardless, of the harsh truth that life really is not what it’s cracked up to be, in reality it could not be any farther from what is spoon fed to us throughout our lives. in fact i am more than aware of the suffering that occurs around me, so much so that a numbness occurs, an instinctual necessity of coping numbs and desensitizes me, yet only to a point, because the struggle is ultimately what life is about, it is truly is about the journey, the ebb and flow, the highs and lows, and all the other cliches that flood my mind at the moment. and so i close this drunken rambling with the truth that despite where i wish i was in life, i am somewhere not tooo far from where i want to be…not too far from what i seek in life, not too distant from my dreams and aspirations, and from what i define as happiness. For all we can do is look forward and “keep on keeping on” (so fucking whitey -loke!) despite my sense of solitude which has increasingly become worrisome, i instead look towards what makes me happy, towards positivity and the belief that we control our own destinies. I strongly believe that despite what we are given at birth, it is sheer determination and will power which carries us from dream to reality. which is why we should never stifle our dreams, no matter how old we get, as long as we live we can strive for whatever it is that brings us joy and passion…even if it is 3 am and you’re feeling lonely.fin.
it’s 3 am i must be lonely.
18 Apr This entry was published on April 18, 2008 at 9:41 am and is filed under Life.